This past week has been a struggle. I’ve been stressed and tense with work and, well, really not a happy person in general. I read a quote that basically said that the mom sets the attitude of the home. This coincides with my husband’s smart-aleck “momma aint happy aint nobody happy”. This really just made me feel worse honestly. So now I’m feeling guilty because I don’t want to play with my son and get easily frustrated with normal 5 year old behavior. Don’t get me started on trying to teach him to read, like this will stop him from going to college if he doesn’t figure it out this week. I feel guilty about getting upset with hubby for leaving salsa in a dish on the counter, not to mention that he didn’t take it upon himself to clean up the kitchen after I neglected to even partly clean it up the night before. Oh did I mention he was busy changing the oil in 2 vehicles in the dark? Obviously I’m being awful, and yet, still mad!
So today I decided I needed a God refill. After leaving work I cranked up my KLOVE station (Christian radio), and blared it all the way to daycare to get my son. Got home, same drill. While making dinner I made a conscious effort to list to myself my reasons why my life is great, and the gifts I’ve been given. I’m writing this now partly because I feel like I’ve been ignoring God for a while. I feel like I’ve been instructed to give my testimony, but I’ve been saying to myself “to who”? Well, I guess this will go out to whoever and the few followers I have on this blog.
For a long time I thought my dad was this “special project” of God’s. I’ve never known someone so blessed, yet so “un-churchy”. Not a word, I know, but here are some stories I grew up with:
- My grandparents were living in South Dakota and the “work dried up”. So they requested newspapers from all across the country (I’m not sure how they did this in the late 60s, not sure it matters). Anyway, they see an ad for a farm hand job in the small town of Ephrata, WA. Grandpa got the job, so the family packed up everything they could fit in the station wagon and made the move. They were poor, like dirt poor. My dad was born with asthma, it’s very common in our family, those who have it, have it bad for life. There is medically no cure, and asthma leaves internal damage in the way you can see scar tissue in the lungs in xrays. So, Dad ends up having an asthma attack and they are clear out of town on this farm (20 minutes from town), no one around, they couldn’t afford his medicine so he ran out. They can’t afford doctor bills, and were afraid to move him anyway. Grandma and Grandpa laid their hands on him and prayed. They prayed and prayed and prayed. Suddenly his breathing calmed and soon he was fine. After that day he never had another asthma attack (he was around 14). At 21 he joined the Army, asthma is a disqualifier. He tells them, well I had it as a kid but really don’t anymore. They humor him and take xrays and several other tests (it was the 80s – less strict I guess). No scar tissue, they can’t trigger it with gas drills, or anything else. To this day he still has not had a problem, even considering he has smoked basically since 18.
This my Dad (in the middle, with his brother and Dad)
- As a solider dad and his men are out on a drill. Something goes wrong and they roll a truck with a bunch of guys in the back. People go flying everywhere. What few were uninjured rush to help. Very few 1st aid supplies and they dumped the ice a few miles back. Dad is helping a “young kid” and yells for ice. Voices yell back, it’s gone! In a bit of stress and panic he yells but I need ice! A hand taps his shoulder; he reaches back and accepts the ice. Never looks to see who it was that helped out. Later, talking to his guys he tries to thank whoever for the ice. They all say, “wasn’t me”. One guy that had been sitting there when the ice arrived said he didn’t recognize the soldier, and really didn’t see a face. Bum bum bum….
- Now to current day-ish. The summer after I graduated high school I get word that my dad has cancer. Fast moving, a malignant tumor in his jaw. Between finding it, a follow up and surgery, just a little over 2 weeks had passed and they scheduled chemo for “right away”. He went in for his follow-up to start the chemo process and was told they were doing more tests. We want to wait. Hugh? So he gets a call a couple days later with news. The tumor is benign and they can’t explain what happened. They sliced and diced and it was sent off to multiple labs, yet they don’t have an explanation. Something about being featured in an article.
At this point, I’m in awe. I mean, how many miracles does one man get? Then I think, its Grandma, she has a direct line to God.
Now on to me: Down the road Hubby and I have our struggles. I even left. Took my baby and moved to the other side of the state. He follows and stays with a friend, which really annoyed me more. I mean really “my fiend not yours” ha-ha. She was a good friend, doing God’s work I guess, because one day hubby stops by for a kid exchange. I have my speech ready. We’re over, this won’t work, blah blah blah. So I go to tell him, and here I am speaking words that I had no intention of telling him. Really not even worded in a way I would have spoken. Basically I tell him we’ll work it out. I think on it and tack on – but we’re going to church. He tells me I had a shocked look on my face the whole time, like I couldn’t believe what I was saying. We’ve been back together for going on 4 years now, and though we have our moments, it’s the most functional our relationship has ever been. I can only say its having God in my life.
This also got me thinking about these miracles of my family and I realized that I was given these miracles. I was blessed with amazing grandparents who stepped up and helped raise me when I had no one else. They took in my sister and she wasn’t technically their blood. I had aunts and uncles and another set of grandparents that took me in and gave my sister and me a home more than once. They taught us love, respect, manners, pride, and trust. God healed my father at a time when I had already lost so much and didn’t know if I could take anymore. I can go on, but this has been wordy enough.
I’m blessed and I see his light daily.
So, God refill – Check! Sometimes I just need a splash of reality.
This is my sister & me. As kids we were always told we were all each would ever have. Sad, but sometimes true.
Me and Grandma!
The 2 men in my life: Hubby and our son.
I am blessed, i just need a reminder sometimes. I don’t think i’m the only one. What do you do to get back on track?